Good morning. My name is Amelia and many of you know me as the Riverkids director here at the River. One of my jobs on Sundays is to tell stories to the children…so when Charles asked me to do a sermon in this series of invisible belief, my very first sermon, I decided to share my own personal story and my own invisible belief.
My StoryOne of the hardest times in my life was the weeks leading to my dad passing 4 years ago. Me, my children, my mom, and my 3 siblings spent about a month, all living in one space to be by my dad's bedside as he was dying of cancer. Not doing much, which was hard…because when your loved one is suffering, not being able to do anything for them is very very hard.
My dad was under a lot of medication, so he was barely conscious most of the time, but when he was conscious, he was often grumpy. He was dealing with a lot of his own personal discourse, so it was not easy to make meaningful conversation....you see, my dad was the oldest son of 11 children, he grew up in a poor Chinese family in Indonesia and had been working ever since he was young to help support the family. Later in his life he started his own company and was able to support many of our family members…My dad was the big brother, the one who always got your back, he could not stay still, could not find himself not doing & fixing things for people.....so to be in this helpless state was “killing” him...maybe more than the cancer itself.
And just like my dad, at that moment...i too was struggling. I felt that I was failing him. I failed to bring comfort and peace to his last days on earth...you see, after his cancer diagnosis, my dad became very concerned about who would be taking care of his business and the family...I too am the oldest child in my family. I have about two dozen aunts and uncles, over 40+ first cousins, most of whom are younger than me.
The ProblemSo there is this pattern, this unspoken duty of a first child in a large family….The invisible false belief. that my
job on this earth was to take care of responsibilities, to fix things and have solutions.
Now, I’m not suggesting that doing and being productive is bad, in fact we have parables and stories in the Bible about being faithful & fruitful. I am talking about a sense of completion that you must achieve to feel meaningful and deserve a rest…While for many years, this belief in the power of doing has certainly served me in my schooling and my work, it also makes me anxious about all the “not yets” in life. and often impatient at
people.
After my dad passed away, I spent some time in Indonesia to help with the family, making sure my mom and my young brother was set up properly. We got a lot of work done, but my relationship with my mom was not at its best. I was so concerned about being responsible and solving problems for my mom, that I was oblivious to the grief that we all were still going through, especially my mom. We had a lot of arguments, even spent days not talking to each other. My mission was to make life easier for her, but instead, I made life more difficult for both of us.
The Bible has a story so relevant to my experience in Indonesia.
Verses & Practical SuggestionsIt’s from Luke 10:38-42. It’s a story about two sisters, Mary and Martha. As Jesus visited the sisters, Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She was annoyed by her sister, Mary who in her eyes, was doing nothing, so she came to Jesus and basically yelled at him…“Lord, don’t you care that my
sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” then Jesus answered….“Martha, Martha, you are worried & upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”Martha was so focused on welcoming Jesus and she ended up yelling at him. Her problem was trying to control everything and everyone. That’s what happens when you focus too much on ‘being responsible.’
So….how do you help a “Martha”, someone who is obsessed with doing things? Well one of my favorite verses, that I often use to remind myself is Psalm 46:10 "BE STILL and know that I am God" … acknowledging that God is in control, not you, to KNOW that God is God, not you, I can’t control everything.
So recently I have been working hard to not focus on solving all my problems....what I mean is, I’m trying to shift some of my focus from doing, fixing, improving TO receiving, listening, and perceiving….I am trying a few new practices daily:
One is to spend about 15 mins every morning, before my mind starts making a checklist, to just look out of the window and focus on listening to the birds, no particular purpose, except to listen. To take long walks with no destination. Another is to eat ice cream at the end of the day, with my kids and really savor each bite...actually wishing that it would never end or be completed.
Slowly...over time...these practices help me. I notice and appreciate more things, I notice that I almost can tell what the weather is going to be like that day by the sounds of the birds. I realized that smiling actually does make you happier and more approachable, I finally had a great chat with a new neighbor of mine who just moved from Yemen...and the ice cream rituals that I have with my kids actually provide just the perfect amount of time for all of us just to snuggle up on the couch together at the end of the day.
As a church, we have been talking about surrendering our invisible beliefs in exchange for God’s unconditional love...So what does Living in the unconditional love of God (or agape love) means for me? It means having the permission to not have solutions and be okay with all the “not yets” in life….having the allowance to just BE with people and with life in the present.
Fast forward a year later, my younger sister was getting married…(*photo) After the Pastor introduced the marrying couple to the guests, there was a little bit of a silence....someone forgot to turn off their phone. The phone rang and the ringtone was this peculiar Chinese love song from the 70s...the very….exact...song that we played over and over for my dad as he was passing away. Me, my mom, and my siblings looked at each other in awe, trying to hold our tears. I realized at that moment, those days when we felt helpless and couldn't do anything for my dad, besides just being present. Now became that powerful moment that connected all of us even beyond grave.
CLOSUREFor the Riverkids, I usually end our story with some wondering questions, so I would like to do that today for you....we can also continue to discuss this together in the breakout room after….so here are are the questions: I wonder if you are okay with the present, with all the “not-yets” in your life?
I wonder what it looks like for you to accept, even appreciate them? I wonder what it means for you to know that “He/She is God”?
My StoryOne of the hardest times in my life was the weeks leading to my dad passing 4 years ago. Me, my children, my mom, and my 3 siblings spent about a month, all living in one space to be by my dad's bedside as he was dying of cancer. Not doing much, which was hard…because when your loved one is suffering, not being able to do anything for them is very very hard.
My dad was under a lot of medication, so he was barely conscious most of the time, but when he was conscious, he was often grumpy. He was dealing with a lot of his own personal discourse, so it was not easy to make meaningful conversation....you see, my dad was the oldest son of 11 children, he grew up in a poor Chinese family in Indonesia and had been working ever since he was young to help support the family. Later in his life he started his own company and was able to support many of our family members…My dad was the big brother, the one who always got your back, he could not stay still, could not find himself not doing & fixing things for people.....so to be in this helpless state was “killing” him...maybe more than the cancer itself.
And just like my dad, at that moment...i too was struggling. I felt that I was failing him. I failed to bring comfort and peace to his last days on earth...you see, after his cancer diagnosis, my dad became very concerned about who would be taking care of his business and the family...I too am the oldest child in my family. I have about two dozen aunts and uncles, over 40+ first cousins, most of whom are younger than me.
The ProblemSo there is this pattern, this unspoken duty of a first child in a large family….The invisible false belief. that my
job on this earth was to take care of responsibilities, to fix things and have solutions.
Now, I’m not suggesting that doing and being productive is bad, in fact we have parables and stories in the Bible about being faithful & fruitful. I am talking about a sense of completion that you must achieve to feel meaningful and deserve a rest…While for many years, this belief in the power of doing has certainly served me in my schooling and my work, it also makes me anxious about all the “not yets” in life. and often impatient at
people.
After my dad passed away, I spent some time in Indonesia to help with the family, making sure my mom and my young brother was set up properly. We got a lot of work done, but my relationship with my mom was not at its best. I was so concerned about being responsible and solving problems for my mom, that I was oblivious to the grief that we all were still going through, especially my mom. We had a lot of arguments, even spent days not talking to each other. My mission was to make life easier for her, but instead, I made life more difficult for both of us.
The Bible has a story so relevant to my experience in Indonesia.
Verses & Practical SuggestionsIt’s from Luke 10:38-42. It’s a story about two sisters, Mary and Martha. As Jesus visited the sisters, Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She was annoyed by her sister, Mary who in her eyes, was doing nothing, so she came to Jesus and basically yelled at him…“Lord, don’t you care that my
sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” then Jesus answered….“Martha, Martha, you are worried & upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”Martha was so focused on welcoming Jesus and she ended up yelling at him. Her problem was trying to control everything and everyone. That’s what happens when you focus too much on ‘being responsible.’
So….how do you help a “Martha”, someone who is obsessed with doing things? Well one of my favorite verses, that I often use to remind myself is Psalm 46:10 "BE STILL and know that I am God" … acknowledging that God is in control, not you, to KNOW that God is God, not you, I can’t control everything.
So recently I have been working hard to not focus on solving all my problems....what I mean is, I’m trying to shift some of my focus from doing, fixing, improving TO receiving, listening, and perceiving….I am trying a few new practices daily:
One is to spend about 15 mins every morning, before my mind starts making a checklist, to just look out of the window and focus on listening to the birds, no particular purpose, except to listen. To take long walks with no destination. Another is to eat ice cream at the end of the day, with my kids and really savor each bite...actually wishing that it would never end or be completed.
Slowly...over time...these practices help me. I notice and appreciate more things, I notice that I almost can tell what the weather is going to be like that day by the sounds of the birds. I realized that smiling actually does make you happier and more approachable, I finally had a great chat with a new neighbor of mine who just moved from Yemen...and the ice cream rituals that I have with my kids actually provide just the perfect amount of time for all of us just to snuggle up on the couch together at the end of the day.
As a church, we have been talking about surrendering our invisible beliefs in exchange for God’s unconditional love...So what does Living in the unconditional love of God (or agape love) means for me? It means having the permission to not have solutions and be okay with all the “not yets” in life….having the allowance to just BE with people and with life in the present.
Fast forward a year later, my younger sister was getting married…(*photo) After the Pastor introduced the marrying couple to the guests, there was a little bit of a silence....someone forgot to turn off their phone. The phone rang and the ringtone was this peculiar Chinese love song from the 70s...the very….exact...song that we played over and over for my dad as he was passing away. Me, my mom, and my siblings looked at each other in awe, trying to hold our tears. I realized at that moment, those days when we felt helpless and couldn't do anything for my dad, besides just being present. Now became that powerful moment that connected all of us even beyond grave.
CLOSUREFor the Riverkids, I usually end our story with some wondering questions, so I would like to do that today for you....we can also continue to discuss this together in the breakout room after….so here are are the questions: I wonder if you are okay with the present, with all the “not-yets” in your life?
I wonder what it looks like for you to accept, even appreciate them? I wonder what it means for you to know that “He/She is God”?