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This past Sunday, we continued our sermon series on "Cultivating Fruits of the Spirit." In her sermon, Pastor Alison explored how some of the cultural messaging we receive around Generosity — like through popular children's books such as The Rainbow Fish and The Giving Tree -- can be confusing and at times problematic. Both The Rainbow Fish and The Giving Tree would lead us to believe that we should strive to be generous no matter the cost to our own well-being. That we should always say yes to helping others no matter what. But the problem is, pursuing generosity in this way is unsustainable. If we give in this way, over time, we will inevitably become burnt out, angry, and resentful — unable to embody the freedom and warmheartedness that true generosity entails. As we seek more sustainable perspectives on generosity, Alison encouraged us to consider the work of playwright and screenwriter Topher Payne. As part of a fundraiser for The Atlanta Artist Relief Fund, Payne created a series called “topher fixed it” where he created what he called “parody alternate endings to beloved but problematic children's literature.” For example, in these thought-provoking works The Rainbow Fish became The Rainbow Fish Keeps His Scales, and The Giving Tree became The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries. We encourage you to give these parodies a read and to consider the ways they challenge popular cultural understandings of generosity!
If it’s not through sheer willpower or by saying yes to every request, then how do we cultivate generosity in our lives?
To help answer this question, Pastor Alison drew upon the work of shame and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown. Brown and her team spent years studying compassionate, generous people. Going in, Brown’s hypothesis was that what compassionate, generous people have in common is faith or spirituality. But the pattern in the research data showed something else. Brown discovered that what compassionate, generous people actually have in common is boundaries. They respect other people’s boundaries and they are very clear about identifying, communicating, and enforcing their own. In Brown’s own words, “They assume that other people are doing the best they can, but they also ask for what they need, and they don’t put up with a lot of shit.” Brown defines boundaries in a couple of ways. The first is “boundaries are what’s okay and what’s not okay.” So, what am I okay with? What allows me to live in integrity with my values? And what am I not okay with? What prevents me from living in integrity with my values? And, borrowing from Prentis Hemphill, the second way Brown defines boundaries is: “boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” So, in other words, how do I actually live out Jesus’s Greatest Commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself”? How do I go about loving my neighbor and loving myself at the same time? According to Brown, boundaries are what help us to live out of a place of freedom. To be able to release our death grip on any number of things — our time, our resources, our sense of righteousness — and open our hands instead. Being open-handed does not mean that we automatically say yes or give what we are holding away. But it does mean that we are more able to make purposeful choices about how we want to be compassionate and generous. That there is more room to consider, both for ourselves and for our neighbors: What will bring love? What will bring joy? What will bring life? To be intentional about what we hold onto and what we release. What do you think about this idea that boundaries and generosity are connected? Is this something you have thought about before? To explore these ideas further, we encourage you to take some time to consider the resources listed below:
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