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This past Sunday, Pastor Alison wrapped up our sermon series on "Cultivating Fruits of the Spirit," by preaching about Self-Control.
Alison reflected on what it means that the list of fruits is bookended by Love (the first fruit listed) and Self-Control (the last fruit listed). Alison explored how — as followers of the Way of Jesus — Love must be what guides us, motivates us, and empowers us. We are nothing without unconditional love! (1 Corinthians 13:2) At the same time, we need Self-Control to actually be able to embody all of the other Fruits of the Spirit. Self-Control is incredibly important. However, our approaches to Self-Control often miss the mark. Alison explained: "We miss the mark when our pursuit of Self-Control becomes more about proving our purity, holiness, discipline, or devotion — than it is about helping us to love ourselves, others, and God more deeply. We miss the mark when shame becomes the motivator for transformation, rather than God’s unconditional love for us. And we miss the mark when the only advice we have for how to pursue Self-Control is to just try harder." Drawing insights from the story of the prophet Elijah, Alison explored the ways that Self-Control and Self-Care are deeply interconnected. Alison shared: "A pastor friend of mine recently reminded me that sometimes the most important spiritual disciplines are simply getting enough food and enough sleep. We don’t always think about eating and sleeping this way — but it’s so true. When we are hungry or tired, it’s really hard to be kind or patient or gentle or joyful. I wonder how it might change things for us if we viewed Self-Care — in its many forms — not as a luxury but as an essential spiritual practice?" When we think about Self-Care, it is important to consider the concept of bandwidth. How much capacity do we have in any given moment? What impacts this capacity? How much were our bodies, minds, and spirits actually designed to handle? During her sermon, Alison quoted from a newsletter by Nadia Bolz-Weber (a Lutheran minister and public theologian) that explores many of these questions. The newsletter — titled “If you can't take it anymore, there's a reason: an essay on circuit breakers, empty buckets, and the shame-show of social media” — was written in August 2021, while we were still finding our way through the global pandemic. However, much of what it says still resonates with the world we find ourselves in today in 2025 — in particular, the way that baseline levels of anxiety and grief are collectively higher for everyone. We encourage you to give it a read! In the newsletter, Bolz-Weber wrote: “I used to live in a very old apartment building with super sketchy electrical wiring. Were I to audaciously assume my hair drier could run while my stereo was on, I would once again find myself opening the grey metal fuse box next to the refrigerator and flipping the breaker. My apartment had been built at a time when there were no electric hair driers, and the system shut down when modernity asked too much of it. I think of that fuse box often these days, because friends, I just do not think our psyches were developed to hold, feel and respond to everything coming at them right now; every tragedy, injustice, sorrow and natural disaster happening to every human across the entire planet, in real time every minute of every day. The human heart and spirit were developed to be able to hold, feel and respond to any tragedy, injustice, sorrow or natural disaster that was happening IN OUR VILLAGE. So my emotional circuit breaker keeps overloading because the hardware was built for an older time.” If this is true — that we were designed for the needs of our village, not the 24-hour global news cycle — then this means that we need to be intentional about honoring our limitations, about setting boundaries, about being selective around how we spend our time and energy. This sounds great! But how do we actually go about doing this? How can we discern what is ours and what we can release to others and to God? A helpful tool that Bolz-Weber shares in the newsletter comes from Suzanne Stabile — a highly sought-after speaker, teacher, and internationally recognized Enneagram master teacher, having conducted over five hundred workshops. Bolz-Weber picked up three discernment questions from Stabile, and returns to them every day. They are:
Bolz-Weber noted that many folks misunderstand the third question. She explained: "To be clear – that is not to say that it is not worthy to be cared about by SOMEONE, only that my effectiveness in the world cannot extend to every worthy to be cared about event and situation. It’s not an issue of values, it’s an issue of MATH. . . . It’s ok to do what is YOURS to do. Say what’s yours to say. Care about what’s yours to care about. That’s enough. . . . I’m not saying we should put our heads in the sand, I’m saying that if your circuits are overwhelmed there’s a reason and the reason isn’t because you are heartless, it’s because there is not a human heart on this planet that can bear all of what is happening right now. So thank you for being a person who cares about and responds to animals, or the environment, or immigration, or domestic violence or any of the other worthy-to-be-cared-about shit-shows we are in the midst of right now. Just, thank you." So, this week, we encourage you to schedule some time to sit with these discernment questions. Spend some time in prayer or journaling. Ask God to help you get clear on what is yours and what is not yours. Identify some concrete actions steps you can take in the areas you are called to. And then, try to release everything else to others and to God. Doing this is not easy — it's an act of faith and trust! But remember that to care for others, we must care for ourselves, and that means honoring our human limitations.
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This past Sunday, Maddie continued our sermon series on Cultivating Fruits of the Spirit, by preaching about Faithfulness.
Together we looked at the Book of Judges, which is about a time in the history of God's people when God felt far away, and when the people and idea of the Promised Land no longer felt enchanting. We examined what it means to stay faithful to God, to people, and to communities when the feeling of enchantment has worn off — and how that feeling of enchantment can often be misleading. This week, we're offering three resources to build on what we talked about. 1. A Bible Project Breakdown of the Book of Judges If this Sunday's sermon got you curious about the Book of Judges, check out this video from The Bible Project that goes into more depth about the context for that book and the stories in it. Judges tells us about a time after the Israelites reached the Promised Land when there was no king in Israel and everyone did what they wanted. The Israelites would periodically turn away from God and engage in behaviors that made it more difficult for them to experience God's love -- which then made it hard for them to love one another. God would periodically send flawed people, "Judges," to deliver the Israelites from their suffering, but inevitably the cycle would repeat itself. As you take a closer look at this book, consider the ways in which it speaks to your own life and also to our current moment. Where is God in this book and where are we? What can we learn from it as we endeavor to stay faithful, even when it's hard? 2. "Love is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm" by Esther Perel Couple's therapist Esther Perel is famous for saying that "Love is not a permanent state of enthusiasm." She counsels couples on how to work through periods when the state of enchantment has worn off. In this lecture, she lays out her ideas about how to do this. She talks about how emotional commitment is a daily practice, how love can be a mirror for self-awareness, and how we can move from focusing on enthusiasm to emotional depth. As you give it a listen, consider what her insights might have to tell us about how we relate to each other as friends and community members, and also how we might relate to God. How might de-centering enthusiasm or enchantment help us to remain faithful in hard times? 3. Interview about Building Community with Casper ter Kuile Sam Pressler is a researcher at Harvard who is focused on the breakdown of community in America and its implications for our shared life. In this post he interviews community entrepreneur Casper ter Kuile. Casper ter Kuile reflects on his journey from studying the decline of traditional religion to exploring how spirituality is transforming through secular spaces, rituals, and new forms of community. He emphasizes the importance of hospitality and belonging, drawing from personal experiences and mentors who taught him the depth of theology and tradition. His current work, including the Joyful Belonging newsletter, focuses on cultivating joy, play, and hospitality as core practices of community life. Rituals — whether inherited, reimagined, or newly created — are central to how he sees people connecting, belonging, and activating collective meaning. Ultimately, he envisions a future where covenantal relationships and spiritual innovation sustain communities beyond institutional decline, grounded in love and joyful belonging. As you read through this interview, consider the beliefs that you hold about community. What is the importance of community to you? Why do you believe that community is important? How do you live out those beliefs and how do you think that you could live them out better? This past Sunday, as part of our sermon series “Cultivating Fruits of the Spirit,” Pastor Alison preached about Gentleness. Alison spoke about how, unfortunately, far too often, being gentle is equated with being weak. But this is a misunderstanding of what gentleness really is! Gentleness is not a sign that strength is lacking. Rather, it is about how we choose to wield the strength that we have at our disposal. Because, while some things are inherently gentle, oftentimes it seems that there is some amount of choice involved — to be gentle or not to be. All of us hold the capacities for both gentleness and harshness inside of us. And it’s this dichotomy — this dual capacity — that can make displays of gentleness so captivating to witness. Gentleness is captivating because it’s not necessarily natural or easy. Being gentle — especially in the world we live in today — requires considerable strength: the strength to resist the seductive lure of oppressive power; the strength to slow down and tune into our own thoughts and feelings; the strength to act in ways that are intentional and in alignment with our beliefs and values; the strength to prioritize the well-being of another or the long-term health of a relationship over what may feel good in the moment; the strength to exercise wisdom and restraint. M. Craig Barnes, President Emeritus of Princeton Theological Seminary and author of The Pastor as Minor Poet, explores these ideas in an essay titled "Gentleness isn't fragile" (our first resource for today). He writes: “We tend to think of gentleness as a weak or fragile thing. But as a virtue it arises from strength, from strong people who choose to honor the sacredness of their relationships. The gentle don’t find their strength in the ways society has privileged them, nor in the success of their pursuits on the many fields of competition. Among Christians the gentle find their strength in their identity as people created in the image of God, people whom Jesus Christ was dying to love. When we take seriously the holiness of our lives—lives redeemed from everything we’ve done to profane that holiness—we’re made strong in the grace of God. And those who have attended to the grace they have received tend to want to be gracious to others.” In a world that increasingly equates might with right, that celebrates overt displays of power and control, — embodying gentleness may not always seem like an attractive choice. Because, for many, gentleness is viewed as a liability. However, the greater liability may actually be our inability to be gentle. Barnes argues that most social problems are rooted in the failure of the strong to be gentle with others. He says: “In these days of intense factionalism and demonizing partisanship, few of us are aspiring to gentleness. I think that is mostly because we’re afraid. We’re afraid because instead of thinking about the holy between us, we think about the ‘them’ who are to blame for our problems. The last thing we want is to be gentle in dealing with them. The harsh reality is that since the day Cain rose up against Abel, we have never been as careful with each other as we were created to be. The Bible’s first story of life outside paradise is about violent conflict between brothers, and we haven’t done much to improve on the plot. Pretty much every social problem we know has roots in the failure of the strong to be gentle with others.” It is far easier to use our strength to lash out, to control, to coerce — than it is to be gentle. But this is not the way of Love — of Jesus. Throughout this life, Jesus chose to wield his power with tenderness — at times choosing challenge, confrontation, and defiance; at other times embracing weakness for the sake of love. Jesus had the strength to stand up for the marginalized. And he also had the strength to forgo violence, to choose forgiveness, to embody “power with” instead of “power over.” Jesus’s ability to to move through the world this way — was connected to his own relationship with power. Philippians 2 tells us, “Though he existed in the form of God, [Jesus] did not regard equality with God as something to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, assuming human likeness. And being found in appearance as a human, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:6-8, NRSVUE) For the sake of unconditional love, Jesus relinquished equality with God in order to be with us as a human being. Jesus entered the world as a helpless infant. He lived, and ministered, and died in order to show us the heart of God; to teach us about the upside-down nature of the Kingdom; to help us learn how to live lives of fullness; to inspire us to co-create a more just world for ourselves and others. As Barnes points out, “That’s not a story of the weak being victimized; it’s a story of the strong choosing humility. To live in Christ is to find this same gentle calling.” You can find Barnes's full essay on gentleness via the Christian Century. Our second resource for today — a strategy called the Gentle Start-Up — comes from Drs. John and Julie Gottman.
The Gottmans are known for their research around what allows relationships to be healthy and long-lasting. In particular, they’ve done a lot of work on marital stability and divorce prediction. While they focus primarily on romantic relationships, their advice can be applicable to many different types of relationships. Through their research, they have found that by observing just the first three minutes of a conflict discussion they could predict the likelihood of a couple’s divorce. According to their study, “The couples who divorced started their discussions with a great deal of negative emotion and displayed far fewer expressions of positivity than those who stayed together six years later. Not only were those couples who divorced negative towards each other, but they were also critical of each other." (Ellie Lisitsa, "How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Start-Up") The Gottmans have found that conversations tend to end on the same note as they begin. If you start an argument with a harsh attack, in most cases, you will end up with at least as much tension as you began with, if not more. To avoid this — and the relationship-killer that is Criticism — it helps to intentionally start the conversation with gentleness. Their strategy for how to do this is called a Gentle Start-Up. Tips for implementing a Gentle Start-Up include:
For more guidance on how to implement the Gentle Start-Up, check out this link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/softening-startup/ And, for strategies to combat other relationship-killers (Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling), check out this link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/ Two weeks ago, Maddie preached about Kindness as part of our sermon series “Cultivating Fruits of the Spirit.” Together, we examined the challenges of being kind when someone is deeply, maddeningly annoying. To do that, we took a look at four people who have received a lot of internet backlash for coming across as “annoying”: Bean Dad, Feral Hogs Guy, Lena Dunham, Taylor Swift. These are people who get flattened into tropes — too cringey, too earnest, too much — and therefore, in our minds, not deserving of kindness.
But Galatians tells a different story. In this letter to a young, divided church, Paul insists that belonging is not earned by performance, status, or cultural respectability. It’s given freely by the Spirit. And what the Spirit produces in us, Paul says, is not gatekeeping or elitism — but love, joy, peace, kindness, and more. This week, I want to offer you two resources that deepen and expand that message: 1. “Is Annoyance the Most Romantic Emotion?” – The Cut This smart, funny essay explores annoyance as an overlooked but essential emotional force in daily life — especially in our homes and relationships. The author argues that annoyance isn’t the opposite of love; in fact, it might be what love looks like in real life. You can only be annoyed by someone you’re still in relationship with — someone close enough to interrupt your routine, your expectations, your control. The piece suggests that in a world obsessed with efficiency and emotional tidiness, annoyance might be the last honest sign that we still care. We’re annoyed because we haven’t checked out. We’re still showing up. And maybe that means kindness isn’t about eliminating annoyance — but about holding it tenderly, without flattening the people around us. If you've ever found yourself thinking, “I wouldn’t be so irritated if I didn’t love these people so much,” this article is for you. 2. “Doing the Right Thing” – Mary Anderson (The Christian Century) In Maddie’s sermon, we looked at Paul’s letter to the Galatians as a radical argument against sorting people into “worthy” and “unworthy.” In that early Christian community, the dividing line was circumcision. Today, it might be tone, taste, vibe, or who we find cringey. Paul’s response then and now is the same: the Spirit doesn’t draw those lines. The Spirit bears fruit. Mary Anderson’s reflection on Galatians 6 picks up this same thread. She focuses on Paul’s charge: “Let us not grow weary in doing what is right.” And she reminds us: doing what is right in Christian community is exhausting. Why? Because, just like in biological families, we don’t get to choose the members of the body of Christ. Anderson writes that baptism means we are bound to people we didn’t select — people with different values, habits, and ways of being. And that’s where kindness becomes spiritual work. Anderson beautifully names the tension at the heart of Galatians: a church trying to figure out who really belongs, and Paul insisting that in Christ, the dividing walls are gone. The Spirit doesn’t wait for people to clean themselves up. The Spirit arrives first — and the fruit grows later. So when we feel ourselves growing weary — when kindness feels hard or impossible — Paul’s words remind us that this isn’t a sign of failure. It’s evidence that we’re doing the slow, faithful work of love. And Anderson encourages us to trust that, even when it’s messy, it’s worth it. Reflect & Practice:
Annoyance, it turns out, might be the friction that makes love real. Kindness, Paul says, is the fruit that grows when we stop drawing lines between "acceptable" and "not worth our time." And doing the right thing, as Mary Anderson reminds us, means showing up for people even when we’re tired, annoyed, or tempted to write them off. Because the Spirit doesn’t. |
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